Just Don't Do It!

Last Wedding Wednesday, I shared how stressed out I was about my wedding. This week I'm singing a completely different tune, because Babe and I figured out that it will all work out the way its supposed too (and we are majorly cutting the guest list:))
I have been browsing the internet a tad to much lately (okay, maybe just cosmo.com and I am not sure why) and keep finding funny lists or quizzes (see Monday's post). So I was thinking to change the mood from last week's Wedding Wednesday post I'm talking about 24 Things You Should Never Do at a Wedding (and a lot of these just made me laugh and I'm being half serious with my responses).

1. // wear white // So this I feel like this should be a no brainer, but I have heard that someone always shows up in white! Do it at my wedding, I might slit your throat (okay, I’m kidding… or am I?)

2. // get hammered and start drama // Again, a no brainer. But again it always happens. If you get trashed at my wedding, I will kick you out. Don’t believe me, see what happens. 

3. // dishonestly dance with old people to get laid // Okay, if people actually do this (and I’m assuming they must if they made this list) I am slightly disgusted but humored more so. If this works, then maybe you should be sleeping with that girl your trying to impress, because she’s just as stupid as you. (And, if anyone at my wedding is reading this, because understand I might just laugh at you if you sleep with someone who does this, no offense) 

4. // throw a fit about not being to get shots at the open bar // I am not sure if this will apply at my wedding (since we are having an open bar with liquor) but if you have to go to a wedding and take shots to have a good time, we might need to go to another party, called AA. 

5. // not being cool with buying a bachelorette party T-shirt or throwing down for the mani-pedi group package // I have talked to all my bridesmaids and told them that I am not going to make them broke for my wedding (I am not going to make me broke either, and if you forgot about that freak out, refer to here(add link)). But, there will be some money shelled out, and if I want you to look silly or pretty or whatever, just go with it. 

6. // disrespect the venue // Alright, we aren’t five years old, so we need to respect where we are. I know this isn’t your money paying for this, but it’s mine and I won’t be happy. (refer to what might happy to you if i’m not happy, in number 1 on this list)

7. // grind with a rando on the dance floor to Lil Wayne // Yeah, just don’t do that. (Also, I hope no Lil Wayne plays at my wedding) 

8. // text (or be on your phone) during the ceremony // Again, really?! It’s twenty minutes of your life you can’t check Instagram or Twitter (if there is an emergency, I would understand). During the photos, have at it. 

9. // if status of your plus-on change, and you tell no-one // I think people might forget that, someone other than them, are paying for their food. It would be nice, if you would tell someone so we can fill your seat with someone else. Hey, you might even make a new friend! 

10. // do not sign the guest book // I would like to know you were at our wedding, and enjoyed yourself. 

11. // speak very loudly about you think the concept of marriage is patriarchal bullshit // Just why? Why would you come to a wedding and talk about how you don’t like the idea of marriage? For one day, pretend you do or just keep quiet.

12. // wear something you would to Da Club // Again, I don’t think I will have this issue, since the last time I was in the Da Club, we were still referring to it as Da Club. 

13. // throw up in the bathroom // Refer to number 4 (unless your sick, I would just go home.) 

14. // yell at the bride and groom to stop and look at you during their first dance for your stupid iPhone photo // Please, just please don’t do that. End of story. 

15. // get all up in the aisle // Ask yourself, once you have been seated, do you have any reason to be in the aisle? If your answer if no, then do go there. You might get trampled. 

16 // bring the bride’s ex as a guest // Really?! He is my ex for a reason! 

17. // pull your chair up to sit beside the bride and groom at their table because you don’t like the people at your table // My table is full, so don’t do that. Dance and party, instead of sitting. 

18. // realize you forgot to RSVP when don’t get dinner // There will not be a seat for you either, we are assuming you aren’t showing up. 

19. // get really, really, really  ridiculously drunk and drop the leg go the chair you’re holding when the bride and groom are hoisted up together // I’m not a fan of this tradition to begin with, so you drop me … you can figure out what I’ll do to you… (sleep with one eye open) 

20. // wear something way too casual when everyone else is doing cocktail attire // I am putting the dress code on the invitation for a reason, follow it! 

21. // loudly insult the food and/or be a dick due to dietary restrictions you did not mention of your RSVP card // Seriously, I am supposed to keep track of everyone dietary needs? Yeah, okay not happening. 

22. // not go out of your way to find an appropriate place to smoke a cigarette, if your a smoker // Yeah, don’t smoke around my wedding. Babe and I might just start kicking and coughing on you. 

23. // be supes inapprops in front of people’s kids // I have a mouth of a sailor, so if I have to watch it, you do to. 

24. // make the wedding photographer do mini-portraits of you and your family // If you like him/her so much, hire them for yourselves. It’s not your day! 

So there you have it. I hope I made you laugh a little bit.